Andersen was starting to look like he’d rather be anywhere else.  I didn’t exactly blame him. Daddy was a master at giving just enough sound without actually revealing anything and still making the audience feel like they just learned privileged secrets from the family vault...

 

“Mr. Stone, the viewers at home want to know how they can get to be as successful as you are.”

 

“Well... they can’t.  If they could, they would have done it already. The only reason my dick stays wet is that I’ve never once taken no for an answer and I've never stopped trying.  You ever try ‘n catch a greased pig Andy?”

 

Andersen’s twinkling blue eyes crinkled in a smile at the thought.  “Its Andersen and greased pigs were on short supply at my house growing up Mr. Stone.”

 

“Well Coop... is it o.k. if I call ya Coop?”

 

“Well... you already have technically...”

 

“Coop, the secret to catching a greased pig moving like lighting is: stay in the goddam ring.  Eventually, that lil sumbitch is gonna get tired and if you don’t stick it out till the bitter end then you’ll miss your chance.  Big Daddy used to say ‘Success is 33% luck, 33% pluck and 33% who you fuck.’ Now he started from nothing at all and he made damn sure I did the same.  Nobody ever handed me shit.  So did I get where I am cause I got 3 ten-inch dicks?  Of course not.  I got one ten-inch dick just like everyone else.”

 

Andersen turned to his producer. “We can edit that Colin, not a problem.”  Quickly recomposing himself he zeroed right back in on Daddy.

 

“Mr. Stone, are you admitting to our audience that your sons Justin and Jake and your daughter Mackenna will be inheriting none of the family fortunes?”

 

Daddy briefly looked at my brother and me then at the producer.  The flash of annoyance at having been caught off guard was so quickly recovered it was barely perceptible.

 

“Coop, my children have known for years that they are responsible for their own paths.  Do they currently enjoy spending daddy’s money?  Absolutely.  I’m very generous.  Do they enjoy the benefits of doors that open to them from family connections? That’s entirely up to them, but, they know they gotta be home from the ball at midnight.  Access to the family ATM ends when they turn 25 and no, my children already know they will inherit none of my estates.  Their late mother and I decided years ago to leave everything to charity.”

 

My brother Justin squeezed my hand so hard he almost drew blood.  I’m sure my extended intake of breath was audible but my brother and I knew better than to let on in any way that this bombshell was absolutely news to us.  My phone immediately started vibrating and while I couldn’t very well pay full attention to it in view of the camera, I was able to discern the "WTF!!!!!!????" on my home screen from Mackenna...